


don't want to let you down (but i think we're) hellbound

by MrsNoraPalmer



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, Feels, lots of them - Freeform, ray is such an ennegram 2 about his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 14:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18573856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsNoraPalmer/pseuds/MrsNoraPalmer
Summary: Post 4x12 (so spoilers lay ahead if you haven't seen!):In which something causes Ray to finally deal with the psychological trauma of being possessed.





	don't want to let you down (but i think we're) hellbound

**Author's Note:**

> Last night served us some darhkatom and then the promo had me going from "haha this looks more comedy than horror this will be fine" to "what if our big soft cinnamon roll does end up being fine BUT BURIES ALL THE TRAUMA THAT CAME WITH IT" so this is him dealing with it. With Nora to help him of course.

They weren’t telling the team right away. That was the plan. But now he and the team watched in horror as Nora put ketchup on her oatmeal and swiftly walked out of the kitchen as if no one was watching.

“Is she okay?” Sara pointed with her fork in the direction of where Nora left the galley.

Ray choked on his coffee. “She’s fine, why?”

“Because, mate, no one puts ketchup on oatmeal. Not even the people that put it on Mac and cheese.” Charlie leaned back in her chair and put her feet on the table.

Zari threw Charlie a glare. “I do that, what’s wrong with that?”

Charlie simply chuckled and took her dish over to the sink and walked out.

“It’s just her one weird guilty pleasure meal. We all have them don’t we?” Ray tried desperately to come up with a logical reason for Nora’s culinary choice and not the fact that their unborn child was already causing the strangest pregnancy cravings.

That answer seemed to moderately satisfy the team even though Ray could still feel the tension of not a single one of them believing him.

When he got back to their room Nora had finished her breakfast and was sitting in a chair next to his model castle, reading. She heard him come in and smiled up at him. “Hey… sorry I didn’t stay for breakfast I figured my breakfast choice of the day would probably drum up some questions. Did they ask you much?”

Ray sat on the bed and shrugged. “Just one or two but I told them it was a weird thing you ate all the time.”

Nora laughed. “Oh great. Well I guess they’ll be disappointed to never see me eating it again because by the time I finished the bowl I found it disgusting.” She tossed the book back onto her pile of books behind his desk and moved to sit in his lap on the bed. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell them yet?”

Ray wrapped his arms around her and splayed his hands across her soft lower back under her shirt. “I just want it to be us. The three of us, I guess, for a while.”

Nora wrapped her arms around his neck and cupped her hands behind his head and gave him a loving smile. “Okay. If you’re sure. I mean Gideon knows because well she’s the one that told me but…”

“I just want it to be us for a while,” he repeated.

Nora eyed him curiously and brought his head to her chest and they sat there for a few moments soaking each other up. “Okay.”

xxxx

_He heard the monitor first, always a lighter sleeper than Nora. Ray immediately slipped on his boxers and made his way down the hall to their daughter’s nursery. He walked over to her crib and immediately picked up the crying infant without hesitation. The baby seemed to settle for a moment making contact with her father’s skin against her own._

_Ray rubbed her back in soothing circles to try and calm his daughter down the rest of the way. His daughter’s cheek rested on his shoulder as one of her arms reached around to grasp at his hair. It wasn’t an abnormal gesture, he had read so many times about the different reflexes babies had while Nora was pregnant. He’d even sometimes read paragraphs aloud to her while she was dead asleep._

_This time though, the grasp hurt. Really hurt. Ray was not a tenderheaded man (only tenderhearted) and he was definitely no stranger to someone yanking on his hair (thanks, Nora) so when his daughter did it and it_ hurt _something was clearly wrong._

_By now their daughter had gone dead silent. She was relaxed against him except for the death grip on his hair. Ray tried to move his daughter off his chest and she relaxed her grip on his hair. When he held her out in front him he saw her stirring awake again, fully expecting to see his brown eyes mirrored back at him, Ray gasped in horror as he saw red-black eyes staring into his soul, their daughter started what he thought was a yawn, but quickly turned into an ever expanding mouth of shark teeth. And then darkness._

 

Ray awoke in a sweat, shooting up in the bed. The sudden movement jolted Nora awake as well. Ray felt a hand on his shoulder and his bottom lip quivered as he looked to an incredibly concerned Nora.

“Hey… is everything alright?” Her voice a touch more gravely being laced with sleep.

“Yeah. Sorry… I’m gonna go get some water. Do you need anything?”

Nora shook her head. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Ray pressed a kiss to her brow. “I’ll be right back.”

As Ray was walking back from the kitchen, he stopped in the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and looked into the mirror. His vision blurred and all he could remember was the lack of control. The lack of autonomy over his body. It started small with things like moving objects without ever touching them but as the flashes of hurting his friends and losing more and more control washed over him, Ray felt sick. He slid down the wall next to the sink and placed his head between his knees. A year later and it still affected him. And a year later, he may have been so stupid to let it affect his and Nora’s unborn child.

When Ray got back, it was clear Nora had tried to wait up for him since she was slumped asleep against the headboard rather than under the covers. He sat his cup of water on his bedside table and slid back in. The movement jolted Nora, who must’ve not been in that deep of sleep in the first place and she looked at him.

“Sorry, I tried to stay awake but growing a human is taking a lot more out of me than I ever anticipated.” She placed a hand to her stomach absently and smiled. “Are you feeling better?” She used her free hand to brush some hair out of his face.

Ray caught her hand and kissed the inside of her palm. “Perfect.” He settled into the bed and spooned her. “Just go back to sleep.”

Nora laced their fingers over her stomach. “Mmm okay, goodnight, babe.”

Ray dropped a kiss to her shoulder. “Night.”

Even though he wouldn’t sleep a wink.

xxxx

It had been a week since the nightmares started. Always the same. Always realizing his mistake so long ago has now potentially cost the soul of their child. He thought about asking John, but then he’d have to end up telling John about the baby. Ray didn’t get where magic and science met, except for maybe with him and Nora and how they somehow worked.

By the week mark, Nora was used to waking up with Ray from his nightmares. She knew that’s what they were. Even if he wouldn’t talk about them. Even if he wouldn’t tell her. She was no stranger to nightmares. His warm embrace was the only thing that had kept them at bay for the first time in her life. And for some reason, her embrace wasn’t keeping his away.

Night seven rolled around just business as usual at this point. Ray was about to leave and get water, when Nora’s grip on Ray’s shoulder tightened.

“Talk to me.”

“Nora I said I’m…”

“Fine. And you’ve said for the last week. I am no stranger to putting walls up but I thought we were past the point of putting them up between each other. If something is bothering you, Ray, you can talk to me about it. Please, I want you to.”

Ray swallowed hard, a war raging inside his brain to either break down and tell her everything or to continue to deflect in favor of making sure that despite this happening, Nora can get a full night’s rest. For her and the baby.

“Ray, talk to me.”

“You’d think it was stupid.”

“I really doubt it.”

Ray shook his head. “You need to sleep.”

“So do you.”

“You’re sleeping for two!”

“Ray.” Nora sighed. “I’m not going to push you but I am worried about you and I think it might help to talk.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m invalidating all you’ve been through.”

Nora’s brows furrowed. “How in the world could you do that?”

Ray took the hand that was still resting on his shoulder and intertwined their fingers. “Do you remember about a year ago when we were fighting Neron and we had just captured him and then I pretty much blacked out from the minute I realized you were in danger and I didn’t think. And we all know that ended.”

“Yeah Neron possessed you, well, sort of I mean you seemed to still have most of your faculties even when he would take over, at first anyways.”

“And then he was gone and dealt with but I don’t think I ever dealt with it.”

Nora clasped their joined hands in her other one and rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. “What do you mean?”

“Nora… we’ve both been possessed what if… what if that puts our child in danger?”

His answer surprised her. Sort of. She was not at all surprised that Ray was putting himself through an emotional hell for the sake of their child but at the same time, why he was concerned about their baby, really surprised her.

“Ray, one doesn’t have anything to do with the other.”

“But I did awful things. God, I’m sorry I shouldn’t even be complaining about this. Go back to sleep.” Ray tried to move from her grasp to get up.

Nora tightened her grip. “No. Talk to me.”

“You were a demon vessel for twenty years. I was one for what? Four days?”

Nora’s brows furrowed. “So? That doesn’t mean those four days weren’t any less of a living hell for you.”

“But what if… what if now because we’ve both been possessed, what if our child can be possessed at any time. With or without consent or ritual?”

“Ray that’s not how it works. When our child was conceived neither of us were possessed. Our baby is going to be just fine. Do you want Gideon to do a scan? Would that help?” She looked up to the ceiling, ready to ask the AI to check in on the health of their baby.

“No, she can only tell us if something is scientifically wrong or medically wrong and I want to know about those of course but she can’t exactly tell us if we’re re-enacting the start of _Good Omens_.”

Nora frowned. “Ray…”

“I just. Our child’s safety is at risk because of what I did.”

“You thought I was in danger. And I thought John had told you the plan. You did what you thought was right. You always do. You fought tooth and nail to do the right thing while you were possessed. I had twenty years to figure out countless loopholes to keep me sane and they didn’t work. I finally gave into the darkness at one point but when I was free of that someone taught me the light and I can never repay them for that. So I’m having their baby instead.” She smiled. “A baby that’s going to be as good and pure as their father.”

“But I’m tainted, Nora.”

“So am I. Makes us quite the pair. I was thinking maybe of all the things that could happen while being a Legend to bond us demonic possession wouldn’t be one of them but when are the Legends ever normal?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry for making such a big deal about this.”

Nora cupped his face in her hands. “Hey. You went through it and didn’t have help after and I should’ve seen that you needed it and I’m sorry. But I’m here for you now. It is a big deal. You went through something traumatic, Ray, just because it was for a shorter time doesn’t mean that it was any less scarring for you.”

Ray gently grasped her wrists and smiled at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask for help. I figured since I wasn’t possessed anymore I was fine. I wasn’t and I just buried it because we had more pressing matters.”

Nora kissed his palm. “I’m here to talk about this, Ray. Day or night. We’re partners. I love you and I want you to be okay.”

“I know… but what kind of father could I be if I’m this unstable?”

“A wonderful one. It’s not about that. It’s about how much you love our child and that you’ll always be there for them. And I can already tell that’s going to be true. And by the way, you’re not unstable.”

“But what if this gets bad again? What if?...”

“Then we talk about it. Or you can talk to someone with a couple more degrees than me about it. Or Nate or Sara or any of the other dumb idiots we live with because they love you and want you to be okay too.”

Ray pulled Nora into his lap with her back to his front and wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face in her neck and sighed. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Funny, I said the same thing to myself for about a year after I wasn’t demonically possessed anymore.” She settled her hands over where their child was growing.

Ray chuckled against her skin. “Thank you, for everything.”

Nora pulled away enough so she could kiss him softly. “Anytime.”

xxxx

Another week passed and the Legends were all gathered around the table for a post-mission pizza party. Nora thankfully had her appetite for the most part (everyone could tell that from the fifth slice of pizza she was presently inhaling) and just before they all dispersed for the evening, Ray stood up to make the announcement.

He glanced down at Nora for the go ahead and she smiled up at him. She finished her pizza and stood up with. His arm wrapped around her middle and she tucked herself into his side.

“If I could have everyone’s attention, Nora and I have something to say. I don’t think that anyone on this ship has ever viewed their love life or their personal life as conventional. I certainly haven’t exactly had the best luck when I tried to find love the conventional way but then someone walked into my life, to kidnap me, but she walked into my life nonetheless. And now she’s going to give me the best gift I’ve ever received next to her presence in my life.”

Mona, an intellectual, finally started to catch on to what was being said. “No… NO WAY!”

Nora laughed. “Yes, Mona, yes way.” Nora looked up at Ray and smiled then looked back at the group and placed her hand on a bump that was just starting to show. “Ray and I are having a baby!”

Hugs, tears, and claims for godparenthood were all passed around to the happy couple. Nora interlaced her fingers with Ray every time it got a bit overwhelming and he would always squeeze her hand three times to let her know he was there. For both of them.

When they retired to their room that night, Ray felt renewed, telling the team had been good. Now if he did have anymore fears about their child’s safety, he had his entire family to go to.

Nora tugged him into their room and grinned. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. “So when should we tell them the other news?”

“What other news?” He teased.

Nora fished for the chain beneath her shirt and unfastened the necklace. A silver engagement ring dropped into her palm. “The fact that you proposed the other night, you silly man.” She held it out to him to slip back onto its rightful finger.

Ray chuckled and complied then held her closer. “Mmmm why don’t you just wear the ring around the ship and see how long it takes them.”

Nora cocked an eyebrow and pulled him in for a kiss. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Also using Good Omens as the reference and not The Omen was on purpose since this show is about as much of a joke as Good Omens is meant to be.


End file.
